5 guys and a canoe

I love people watching. The combination of heavy snowfall in Devon and the Christmas period meant there were plenty of opportunities to watch folks being….themselves.

We went ‘en familie’ to a  local hilly spot, it was covered with snow and the most glorious spot to try out our shiny new toboggans. Loads of others had exactly the same idea. But not everyone had a toboggan. (this in itself says so  much more than I wish to admit about my own family but this is a blog post about people watching not a confessional!!)

On the hill was a mixture of the most fantastic human creativity. Including,

A high performance team, a group of lads with a top of the range toboggan taking it in turns to descend, taking photo’s and generally joshing and enjoying each others company.

The un-performing team with inexperienced managers. A family who’s daughter had never seen snow before, was not dresses for the weather and was letting her managers/parents know that she was not amused. No amount of cajoling or distraction would make that little girl go down that hill.

The maverick. A ‘Dad’ so enjoying his time with the kids flew down the hill head first on a boogie board with at least 1 child on his back. With a large dog flying behind barking. Utter chaos but uber fun.

The entrepreneurs. 5 guys. Initially they tried a door, a full sized front door. This didn’t work so it lay abandoned. They came back with a huge old wooden canoe. (I’m not asking too many questions where either of the aforementioned items came from ahem!)

After dragging the canoe up the top of the hill, all 5 jumped in and they had a hair raising decent that Amy Williams would be proud of. Laughing, screaming and yelping (that dog again!) all the way down , when they checked that they were all alive, (with much surprise the first time) they began the heavy ascent to pull the thing back up the hill. As we left the park the screams were still reverberating. I hope no one was too badly injured. There was little control and they had an audience.

So this got me thinking. When the mind is focused on a small task, ie going down a hill it can come up with some really creative ways to do this. All the above  were ordinary people, who all focused their mind on the task at hand and came up with lots of creative ways to achieve theirs their friends and their families objectives.

In coaching this is exactly what happens. The coachee comes to a meeting with a challenge and through exploration and questioning a solution or clarity is achieved. But it doesn’t always have to be a coach doing the questioning. A bunch of colleagues all focused on the one issue at hand are more than qualified to help.

In action learning this is exactly what happens. One  individual, call him the questioner comes to the group with an issue, gives the group background and the group one by one offer a question, not advice not solutions just a question in the hope that the questioner will gain a solution or clarity from it.

The next time you have an issue or a problem, there’s no need to wallow in it yourself, grab a bunch of colleagues, you never know what creative ways you may find out of it and what bonds you are bound to make.

For a list of printable instructions of how to conduct an action learning session please e mail me emma@emmaransonbellamy.co.uk

Help me! I’m living with a clutter junkie.

 

I recently had a client bring to a coaching session an issue about clutter. He and his wife were expecting a baby and he was worried that the impending  arrival would put a strain on more than just the bulging cupboards.

 

Keeping ‘ones house in order’ is really the first step in personal leadership. In this time of multi tasking it’s easy to become complacent about keeping things tidy and organised, preferring to ‘do it later’

 

Clutter for many is about dealing with the past. An Inability to leave the past behind will mean that it remains in your present as a constant reminder.

 

Untidiness is a refusal to commit to a course of action which means that everything around you is part completed or works in progress. Clutter is the physical evidence of procrastination.

 

Here is a summary of the session outcome. Maybe it rings true with you, would love to hear your comments.

 

Looking at the clutter issue first. Find a way to discuss with your wife what all the clutter around her represents. To many clutter is a way we put down roots and gain security in our lives, it’s hard to keep on moving if you have crates of nick naks!

 

Secondly find out what her ideal home should include. William Morris said “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful” let her use her own words to build her vision of her perfect home. Are Organic, Warm, Secure or Welcoming words she would like to describe her ideal?

 

Thirdly go through each room and visualise it all going off into a removal van, this van is safe, no-one’s going to steal anything and is accessible, no-one is going to chuck her stuff away. Once everything is out of the room she can choose what is absolutely necessary, then she can bring back everything that is in her vision. Ask her what the room looks like and what else it needs? Is any of it still on the van? Does what is still on the van fit with the vision.

 

You can go through each room like that until you are left with a house which fits with the vision and a load of stuff which you have already emotionally let go of.

 

If you are brave enough you can do it physically and really sweep around the edges and re decorate. The baby’s room is an ideal place to make a start on this. Ensure however that you only do one room at a time so you see immediate benefits. This will in turn inspire you to complete the project and achieve your clutter free goals.

 

Clutter, and procrastination are friends.  To clutter junkies and procrastinators it is ridiculous to tidy new stuff when there is such a big backlog, better to do it in one huge cull and start all over again. (Think crash dieting so you can have a big blow out at Christmas!)Once the clutter is cleared you can work together to keep it that way buy investing in storage and discussing systems that work for you as a family. Untidiness may be a signal that she can’t complete the issues at hand with out ‘something’, who can help her with that something? Finally discuss with her the benefits of a clutter free tidy house and how much it means to you, it’s these courageous conversations which are a measure of a grown-up relationship.

 

If this article rang true with you, try this.

 

For the next 7 days do it now. If anything comes up, do it now. If something needs putting away, do it now. All those piles of stuff left in rooms on stairs on desks is a direct consequence of ‘not doing it now’

 

Try it for 7 days, let me know how you get on.

 

One in the eye for kelly’s critics

If you had told me last year that I would be blogging enthusiastically about Kelly Osborne being a role model for leaders I would have looked at you very strangely.

Yep you heard me right, Kelly Osborne.  You know, the youngest Daughter of Ozzie; the Prince of Darkness. Spoilt Millionairess, Drug taking talentless twit. Yes the very same.

I saw her interviewed on Saturday by Piers Morgan and I was struck immediately by her honesty and ability to listen to the questions and with candour answer them from the heart without putting any sort of spin on her responses.

She has come through the other side of LA school pretentiousness, drug taking, eating disorders, abusive relationships, her Mother nearly dying of Cancer and her Father nearly dying of a daft quad bike accident.

Not many people could cope with that, let alone at the age of 26 and in the near constant gaze of the ever so fickle global public eye.

She made some dreadful mistakes, some shocking errors of judgement and lapped up all that the celebrity lifestyle threw at her. She hit her Annus horribulus with both her parents lying in separate hospital beds on different continents waging their own personal struggle for survival as she blearily rallied between the two. What pulled her through? Dancing!

She agreed to compete in the US equivalent of Strictly Come dancing, Dancing with the stars, where she and partner Louis Van Amstel came third.

So how did dancing help her? And what traits make her a leadership role model Emma ?

Discipline: the training and complicated choreography is well known for being very difficult. Dancers are strong, courageous and committed. How many times in her charmed LA life had she witnessed or experienced these character traits.

Able to handle the attention: The attention was purely on her, her steps, her control. But the attention in a positive way rather than a negative.  As the youngest daughter of a famous, some say iconic individual, it must be very difficult to fight for your own personality as you drown in another’s persona.

Able to rise to the challenge. The  expectations of famous children is great. A models children are expected to beautiful, an actors children are expected to be brilliant actors and singers children are expected to have great voices. They are expected to emerge from the family, the finished product, not able to make their own mistakes or carve, through trial and error, their own path.

So Kelly in her short life made a bit of a mess, and made lots and lots of mistakes. I for one wrote her off as I’m sure many others.

But she turned it all round and is now much closer to her true authentic self. I’ll be following her progress very closely from now on and wonder what initiatives will come out of this new found personal strength

Good luck Kelly, this quote from Confucious sums it up for me.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall”.

If you want to see how your leadership skills measure up, contact me for a free tool which will give you great insight.

emma@emmaransonbellamy.co.uk

Viva La Revolution!!!

It is said that if you do what you have always done you will always get what you have always had.

This can be taken 2 ways. If you are a failure in life and you keep on doing what you have always done then you will get what you have always got, namely failure.

If you are a success in life and you carry on doing what you have always done the ‘saying’ would suggest that if you keep on doing it you will continue to be successful.

I do not believe as we approach the second decade of the new millennium that this is true.

Change is happening so quickly in every part of business. I used to work in the engineering industry and in the 80’s would visit companies in heavy manufacturing that no longer exist, but at the time were the pillars of our society and had been for almost 100 years before.

It started with the MP’s expenses. We are now seeing the big banks about to reduce bonuses across all companies and the newspaper reading public is falling and so are there profits as ad revenues filter to more immediate forms of communication.

These industries had seen success doing things a certain way for generations and as a means of survival are going to have to change. They have a huge challenge on their hands but I have no doubt the best will come out stronger and be able to continue to serve us for years to come.

We live in uncomfortable times and whilst we change there will be painful transitions which will impact on us culturally as well as personally.

In the last 6 months I have many conversations with clients who are going through times of change and their leadership skills are being tested to the max.

I have a tool about to go live on my website www.erbcoachingsolutions.co.uk, a leadership wheel to gain insight into your leadership ‘act’. It will be free to download and comes with instructions. If you would like to get a copy before everyone else Please e mail or tweet me.

Lessons for life are everywhere: The school Choir

What a fabulous evening I just had. My two little boys were part of the Michaelmas concert at their school.

I was expecting the usual, you know, mince pie, mulled wine uncomfortable chair, elbow fight with partner. We are not used to sitting this close together past the age of 12. Raffle, speech by head and lots and lots of shy children standing up doing their level best not to look at anyone in the audience and get it all over and done with as quickly as possible.

What was great about this evening was the fact that so many musical ensembles were created from the school. From the String quartet, to the brass band in it’s infancy of only 6 instruments but with a truly fantastic sound, particular congratulations to the sound made by the smallest boy and the largest trombone! Many dressed up in Christmas hats and tinsel. The wind band, 2 choirs and the percussion band complete with triangle (my own son; so proud!) and tambourine.

The difference about the usual, shy event when everyone rushes through to get over it is the music from the bands was so, well, musical and accomplished. (we are only talking up to age 12 here)

The band and choir members all had smiles on their faces, they clearly loved the whole idea of the group, and the feeling of creating something together.

My life is all about putting people together and getting the best out of individuals and teams, whether that be in seminars, training, coaching or within a social media context. I like the metaphysical theory that, the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. It’s the magic that happens when people get together, when they almost create a further personality; the group.

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs he states that the human experience is eternally looking to belong to a group. I saw that in true innocent action tonight. The bright smiling faces of the boys and girls, the way the stronger singers carried the weaker ones and the weaker ones occasionally loudly ‘going for’ the notes or the words they knew as they wanted to be part of the energy of  the group.

In social Media the more I get involved the greater the relationships I build with the many. The greater the information I am able to accumulate and scan for ideas, for information and for more contact. It’s like a drug; I’m addicted to being so much a part of so many communities.

Our lives in the past few decades have become more singular. More of us live alone than ever before, more of us work alone than ever before. We physically mix with less people. So less physical communication has meant more virtual communication. Social networks, personal drug of choice Twitter, totally allows me to submerse into all the infinite possibilities and sing as loud as I want in or out of tune, safe in the knowledge I’ll  always find someone whose in tune with me.

The sad tale of the multi-million pound discovery

Did you hear about the family who found a priceless Chinese vase in their house? It had apparently been in the family for several decades. Possibly given by an eccentric relation who had a passion for exotic travel.

When I read the story I could not help but feel extreme sadness for the couple who sold the masterpiece.

On the surface the couple that sold it have made around £30 million after taxes, they have avoided paying inheritance tax (presumably their children wont) the auction house made a tidy sum in commission, the secret Chinese buyer has purchased a bit of his heritage and the tax man has a few million to plug the deficit. Win, Win, Win. Where’s the bad news here? You may ask.

The family had always had an inkling that there was some value in the vase, around 40 years ago the vase was valued by the predecessor of ‘Antiques Road show’ and was considered to be a fake by the ‘experts’.  They took it home, no doubt dejected that their funny little vase was not what they thought or hoped it was. It returned to it’s rightful place in their home on a wobbly bookcase, until they eventually died. Their children organised for a house clearance and fortunately a clever and reputable company took over and the drama unfurled.

I wonder how many money worries that family had over the last 70 odd years, I wonder how many opportunities could have been grasped with the injection of cash the sale of the vase could have given them, 40, 30 or even 10 years ago, Apparently the woman seller, had to take a moment, ‘Del boy style’ to take it all in, of course, wouldn’t you? She said, she wished this had all happened 30 years before. Of course she did; that’s why it’s sad.

This got me thinking about people and the many metaphorical ‘vases’ and real gifts that lay locked inside an individual.   How many people are sitting on golden opportunities and fabulous untapped genius. Just because ‘others’ don’t have the foresight or the ability to have recognised the brilliance, they keep it hidden away, too shy to really fulfil their potential. Thomas Edison, the inventor of modern communications said “If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves”  ‘Here, Here’ !

I urge you not to  keep your precious talents and dreams locked away, don’t listen to others who say you’re not ‘worth it’ have a dream, hold on to it and check it in now! Don’t be like the sad vase sellers and realise too late when your options and choices are limited.

Why ‘Randomness’ matters

 

I recently went to a brilliant session hosted by Ann Holman of the company of the same name. About 50 creative bods and all round good eggs spent a couple of hours chatting about what random was, how it benefits us, business and society. It was brilliant ‘blue sky thinking’ and really energising.

I was ‘waxing lyrical’ about the session to a business associate and he told me a fantastic story which I want to share with you. I believe that Randomness (as in the act of kindness which is displayed here has massive conations and consequences for many, many lives.

Here’s what happened. My colleague was picking his kids up from a local Exeter school and saw a wallet lying on the ground. On inspection he found it had no money in it (had someone been there before?) but it did have a number of cards, including a student union card, a rugby team membership and a couple of other cards. He went home and looked the chap up on Facebook by using the information in the wallet.

Within the hour the guy was collecting the wallet from my colleagues house and totally delighted and happy to be a student in Exeter.

Ok you say, it’s a simple random act of kindness that any ‘good person’ would do.

The story gets more interesting.  Apparently my colleague, when he was a student, lost his wallet. The person who found it searched high and low and even crossed borders to make sure the wallet was returned (the time before Facebook huh!)

The question here is. Was the random act of kindness my colleague did in Exeter recently a direct result, a consequence, of the one he experienced all those years before. Has that random act ‘shaped’ the character of my colleague which has made him a kinder more considerate person and made him live his life in a certain way which in turn has created more kindness and positivity?

I wonder if the student from Exeter will now have his own legacy to fulfil, if he will change or modify his behaviour going forward and who knows what powerful consequences this will have.

Change the world, be random! The consequences are infinite. You may never discover all the positive effects but be assured they happen.

I’ve found my tribe

Mary Portas speaks of tribes when it comes to retail. The fashionista’s the bargainista’s to name but two highstreet tribes. This works well for the glitzy fashion bunch. But what about the networkers. Are there tribes within the business network clubs? The one’s who do the breakfasts or the lunches or the very bossy ones where you need to show leads and referrals.To tell you the truth though I have never been happy in the local ‘networker’s scene’ Why? well, I see it as a bit of a heirarchy, very clicky and very expensive to ‘build’ these long term business relationships. Full of people from accountants and solicitors who are interested in nothing more than giving you their business card but switch off when you talk about your service. They are as bored of you as you are of them as we are not connecting as human beings but as job titles and business cards.

I have to attend regularly, pay a monthly fee, pay for a meal (which is often inedible) and it’s always a bit of pot luck who you sit with. I have referred to some of them as somewhat like a seance. All sitting around a table, is anybody there? The new one’s are asking for a really substantial fee up front a hefty montly fee (it will cost you well over £2k in your first year) they will train you and your network of potential business partners to refer business.

So, i’ve never really fitted in. Until today. Today I found my tribe. At #likeminds in Exeter were a fantastic array of people, delegates and speakers from all over the world of new media.

The crowd were a tough one to please. I’m a presenter and speaker and to be honest I expect more or less total silence and full attention. It is taken as ‘red’ that the social media audience will be multi-tasking. They’ll be blogging and tweeting about you once  140 characters have left your lips. Yes ladies and gentlemen the audience is full of Statler’s and Waldorf’s from the muppets. They will always stay this side of rude, think ‘damned with feint praise and you’ll be somewhere.

I certainly wasn’t the oldest in the audience, I guessed that those who were older than me were those from a tech background and the social media leap was not so great. Most of the delegates were in their mid 20’s, very savvy and very quick and very young.

All of the people I met were charming and welcoming and I felt a real connection with them. I got what many of the speakers had to say. The fabulous Benjamin Ellis spoke eloquently about the power of story telling in business. I scared the break out group when I suggested the greatest story teller was Jesus. I saw them visibly step back hoping I wan’t going to quote psalms at them.

What I took away from  ,sadly, the one day I spent with them was that, as long as everyone ‘gets it’ then you are welcome. But if you don’t you wont last long and will probably go away thinking it’s all a load of tweety twaddle.

Social Media is just being social. It’s not selling, or promoting or pushing in either an obvious or subversive way. It’s making real connections on a variety of platforms, growing a social network of followers and friends around you and just chatting, you may send something over that you feel another will be interested in and you may throw ideas around which may or may not get picked up. At some point you may meet and then…… who knows. Social media is not measurable and you can’t plan. It’s the alchemy that happens when 2 or more communicate, like a third person emerging from the duo, the sum being more than the parts. It’s magic, I love it and i’m hooked. Thanks #likeminds you made my day.

 

Why i’m here!

I find myself at events and people ask me What do you do? As soon as I say “i’m a coach!” there’s a pause. Maybe a wry smile will come across the face of the questioner. After all as I heard in a networking meeting recently the title life coach has become synonymous with ‘without a job’

It does seem that any Tom, Dick and Harriet can set themselves up in business as a life coach and start charging straight away. The training  available ranges from brilliant to rubbish and everything in between. The cost of the training is also from several thousand to buck free!

To me Life Coaching, coaching, development coaching, organisational coaching (the list goes on forever so i’ll stop there) is a dynamic conversation between the coach and the client with the primary focus to move the client forward in which ever area of their life chosen, be it life or work. (in my experience they are always connected) But somehow the phrase Life Coach has been hijacked by people who don’t understand, don’t want to change  and who aren’t listening. They don’t want the service and are determined to undermine it’s credibility. In truth these are, probably, the people in most need.

If I had my time again, knowing what I know now. Would I have become a coach? Sometimes I think not.  It’s been really hard to build a business, sustain a business and work independently. I feel that way until I coach the next client and see the terrific changes that can and does happen in practically every session. I have never been priveledge to that kind of job satisfaction in any other role.

I came to coaching from a 20 year career in newspaper advertising. I worked on some huge and established titles and had a whale of a time, wining and dining and travelling my way through the 80’s and 90’s. An older face in the mirror and babies meant that I became ‘sidelined’ in training. I ran the graduate recruitment and training programme for the company and stopped the leak of good talent and the cost of outside recruitment firms. I became the one who solved internal staffing, training and project issues and the safe pair of hands.  A career break and a stint as corporate wife bought me to freelance training at the turn of the new millenium.

Freelance training was a great way to make a living. A hired gun, going into companies shooting them with information and leaving without having to deal with the every day politicallness of the firm. I however found it exhausting. Other trainers would meet in the hotel bar afterwards looking fresh from a days training and I was run ragged.

My approach was totally coaching oriented, working with learning styles and ensuring learning objectives met. That’s pretty difficult in a room of 20 people all differing skill levels. It was feedback on a delegate feedback sheet which provided the lightbulb moment. ” Thanks for the brilliant coaching, I feel totally inspired to full-fill my potential as a xxxxx employee”

Yes I was coaching not purely training (i have an anology of this which is another blog post).

So I researched, deliberated and counted my pennies and paid around £4,000 on coach training with the now unfortunately defunct UK College of Life Coaching. It was certainly a tough job. I did the entire 12 month programme in 6 months and qualified in December 2005.

In the 5 years that have passed I have learnt some serious lessons and made some big mistakes. However I have coached and continue to coach some fabulous people and the coaching model means I can be at the side of the rugby field or in the audience for the school play more times than I am not. It’s flexible working with high financial and emotional rewards.

I do however wish I had the resource that I am about to launch to the world. “Focus on the ‘what’s’ and allow the ‘how’s to happen” is an e-book I have written which will help the reader propel themselves towards their goals in just 7 days. But more on that in another post.

Hopefully this has given you an insight into who I am, why i’m here. Please get in contact if you want to know more about me or how I can help you or your organisation reach it’s potential.

Bee Serious!

The budget philosophy is that if the public sector backs off the private sector will come forward and create. Create jobs, creativity, opportunities and business.

Great philosophy but it wont work unless the investment, nurturing and management of the sales force in the UK is recognised.

It is said that if all the bees were to die then the world would come to an end in about 2 years. That’s frightening! And why I plant lots of flowers in my garden to encourage as much of their busyness as I possibly can.

If we use the bee metaphor and see the bees as sales people then I think we have something. The sales people are the bees going from company to company picking up business, passing on good news and generally creating the orders to build all our futures.

The public sector is process driven not sales driven. It became top heavy, expensive and greedy. (just look at the epitome of public sector; The MP’s.) The nation then became more reliant on it and the cycle persisted.

Every commercial company whether it deals in a service or a product has a sales function.

We need to love, nurture, develop, mentor, train and coach our sales people.

As an ex sales person, ex sales manager and a passionate sales trainer and coach I believe wholeheartedly that the pulse of every company is it’s sales force and each level of the sales operation requires development, structure and the all important leadership. A firm hand is needed as sales people are feisty, stroppy and ‘precious’ (in all senses)

In the following blog entries I will give you lots to consider if you are in a front line sales role or a management role. Please sign up to keep up with the posts and contact me with any comments and questions.

Speak soon.